Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so let's talk penis.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
