I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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