we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Randomize
