I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am mentally ready for anal.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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