Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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