she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
