She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize