Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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