4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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