So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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