My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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