My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hippo gnu deer
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
