i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
