I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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