this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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