i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
