i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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