Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
