How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
