The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
