also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
