hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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