I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
