I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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