She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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