if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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