Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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