didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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