worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize