so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
