My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
