Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
