So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
