stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
