Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My bed smells like the plague
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
