We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
