he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
