Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
