Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
