I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
