DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
