At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
