you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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