Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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