Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
