i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
