fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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