Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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