are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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