I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
