Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
