so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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