let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
