I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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