Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
