Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
