I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
