I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
