I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
