walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Randomize
