Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
