Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
