i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We are all done wearing pants today
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize