we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
