That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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