How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
