Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
