Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
