Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
