i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
